The Community Through Newly~Opened Eyes

[jonsie]

In more serious and thoughtful reflections lying here in hospital for six months and things hopefully starting to happen in earnest, my own thoughts lingered on a situation I found myself in six months ago and several times much more recently. 

I was drawn to a thread written by @Cleoriff a couple of days ago whereby someone with God given talent apparently committed suicide according to some media reports. 

There followed an interesting discussion about some of the rights and wrongs of suicide. Sometimes, it was said, it's never the answer. My viewpoint differed though I'll try and explain and also explain why a simple discussion got me to realise how wrong I was and changed my viewpoint about the O2 Community. Be warned, a Pulitzer Prize winner it isn't but it's not often I can speak lucidly and with candour. 

Don't forget the many religious arguments and teachings. They say it's a cowardly way out and goes against the teachings of the Church.  Far from it, it takes great courage in many ways unless the balance of your mind is seriously disturbed. 

Yes to some degree it is very much the case but sometimes you can only see that option as the way out and it can be the slightest thing that tips you over a very keen edge. 

I'm not proud to say just how close I have come very recently on a number of occasions and how very much it seemed the only way out, indeed £227.036 told me it was! Some of you may have read about the Bolton born actor Paul Nicholls three or four days ago who had an accident in Thailand 🇹🇭 and has to pay a hospital bill. 

Depending on the paper you read, he suffered from mental health and alcoholism in earlier life and is struggling to pay a hospital bill. Now multiply his problem by 227 times and you could perhaps walk a little in my shoes. Struggle with getting home merely compounded my state of mind. 

BUT I am proud how we now recognise this to be a large scale mental disease AND there is now no stigma attached to discussing with a therapist and getting treatment.

NOW THAT IS COURAGE AND I URGE PEOPLE TO GET THE TREATMENT THEY NEED AND THE SUPPORT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS. Luckily I was able to and sometimes indeed, the only possible way is undoubtedly UP. 

If not for the support of friends, one very good one in particular, on this very community, I would without doubt, no longer be a part of the life of my family, my wife's or my friends'. 

So I find it would be rather hypocritical to stand by my strong narrow minded views that some of you may remember but I can't just find that thread now which caused a lot of angst.  

In many ways as I have gotten older my outlook on social media has changed enormously.

Iniitially I spoke out about how diverse this community was becoming. It was and I believed at the time, quite strongly, it should remain very much a technical mobile community and indeed not until a short while ago did I waver from that rigid belief. Some still hold onto that mindset as is their every right and I will fight for their right to do so. 

My views changed when I realised just how strong a tool this community can be when sensitive issues are argued sensibly and with feeling. Yes, I still have an aversion to inane what's for breakfast threads But this is a community for everyone not just the individual , drawn together originally not for social issues but for problems with a common theme... the Smart Phone which can be way to smart for many of us average, elder aged people who haven't grown up with technology, but embraced it with a want to learn. 

This community provides that, diversity is good, we are not all the same. I find it easier to put down in words rather than try to hold a conversation with someone I just met unless there is a common bond such as a bar! I'm hoping this is one of my more lucid moments, though theatre ran very late and the anaesthetic is wearing off giving rise to pain so maybe a good time to close.

Let me just thank those people who would have been lost to this community, asking their question and leaving and maybe coming back to ask for more help. I'm talking the ladies here, and in no way do I want to appear to be sexist. There are ladies on here who know a damn sight more than I do about phones but I find they have so much more to teach me about life, about common sense and not just ladies from this small island floating sometimes aimlessly in the Ocean of Life. Thank the lord you have stuck around enriching the community and I do mean every single one of you. 

God Bless the many good friends I've made over the years here (10 years now), some gone, many still around. I just ask for their tolerance. Life isn't too good for me at the moment, I struggle with my own tolerance but I do promise to try harder to EVERYONE in a tight knit circle of older friends and newer friends and not forgetting our relatively new admin team.

So not a TTT review, not an account issue, not an issue with roaming, a system error but a call for acceptance for people with opinions that differ from our own, for tolerance for our newer members who all have much to offer by way of life or work experience or who are just setting out on life's adult journey. Much easier to smile for me these days and yes, I have learned that friendship has got me through some real hard times DESPITE an inability to respond to an outstretched willingly offered hand in a timely enough  fashion. For that my apologies 

[Glory1]

A beautiful sentiment @jonsie very well expressed. And you have nothing to apologise for. I don't know how I would react had I been through what you have. I think you have been very brave and through it all managed to keep your sense of humour. And also found time to offer assistance to those with queries/problems.

God bless, jonsie.

[Cleoriff]

@jonsieThank you for expressing your thoughts so openly on both threads Jonsie Part 1. I wont write on both of them but discuss issues you raised about suicide and mental health on this one.

Believe me when I say that I totally understand your perspective on suicide. 

My feelings on this subject have changed over the years. When I was young and first went into nursing in the 60's (age 16) I adopted the attitude of my peers in that profession. It was hard not to, as most of the teachings came from nurse tutors who saw these issues from a religious perspective and mental health wasn't even considered back then. So my thoughts on suicide are coloured by the 45+ years I spent in nursing

Even when I qualified at 21, I had little time for people who attempted or committed suicide.Why would I?...

I only saw the pain and suffering of the relatives when they visited family and friends in hospital. These people who had to identify their dead or stand and cry over those who had failed in a suicide attempt and were being nursed on ventilators to keep them alive. I am ashamed to say that often, after witnessing the grief or looking at the hours we spent keeping people alive, I have thought it may have been easier all round if they had been successful in their attempt.

That was back then,

As I got older and more experienced, my feelings changed a lot. Don't get me wrong I still have little time for those teens who break up with their boy/girlfriends and chuck 30 paracetamol down their throat and then call someone to tell them what they have done. I feel sad that they resorted to such tactics...but I do know they will rarely do it again after having their stomach pumped out. 

Life experience has given me a fair amount of wisdom I hope. Also I have a far better understanding of some mental health issues...generally due to experience of life... and time spent working in a mental health assessment unit.

I now recognise that you can't put all suicide attempts into the same 'box'

There are those with life changing conditions and illnesses who feel they can no longer carry on. Even people with life limiting illnesses are often prone to feel hopeless. Many of them need a lot of support from family and friends.....but not everyone is lucky enough to have people who are there to listen and advise.

Let's just say I have a much greater understanding of people who reach the stage where they want to take this final step...

I'm not writing a book so it's best if I leave it there I think...:smileywink:

.

[MI5]

"Tolerance of others."
Wise words Steve and something I know I need to work on sometimes. 

[Anonymous]

@jonsie you have written beautifully, @Cleoriff as ever & @Glory1 too

I don't quite know what to say, I'm not that eloquent, but I understand what you have written jonsie, this is coming from someone who was put on Librium as a teenager for anxiety & forever since has had mental health issues ... & ... came to tech late as an older person ... & ... has made good friends on the internet

I could not have endured what you have done jonsie over this last 6 months ... I wish I could do more for you

You are brave & in those moments when you are 'down' take courage, there are many people thinking about you & willing you onwards xx 

[Anonymous]

You have nothing to apologise for I know how you feel iv had depression for years and have wanted to not be here at all

[jonsie]

This was written in the very early morning coming down from anaesthetic and with morphine whizzing through my veins. Normally for a post this long it would have been Thai whisky which gives pretty much the same effect though isn't very conducive to correct grammar and spelling! 

However I do mean every word and I have decided tolerance starts here with me especially in a situation I can do nothing about.

Apparently I will be in hospital at least another three months and rehab will take a further nine months so I'm going to need a huge dose of tolerance. This is if all goes well of course and they can clear the infection and move me out of isolation. 

So if tolerance is lacking at any time please forgive me. 

Also if anyone is offended by any remarks I have made/make on this thread and the other at Jonsie Part 1 then please PM me and I'll try to elaborate further. Thank you for your response and comments so far. 

[adamtemp64]

@jonsie no need to explain just keep strong etc 

[Cleoriff]

The one thing that everyone admires about you Steve is your ability to keep upbeat and amusing openly... even though you are probably feeling down and depressed. I call it painting a smile on.....There is a skill to that and long may it last. You have many friends who are always here if you want to privately 'drop that smile' 

[jonsie]

I do try to speak from the heart, I'm usually an open book but yes Den, you are so right. To most people we are faceless on here but I've posted with tears streaming at particularly low points of which there have been many lately.

You try and smile through it and occasionally a thread or post or funny picture can snap you out of a dark moment, which is my whole point about my change of view of the Community.